The birds and the bees.

DING.DONG.DING. “Teachers, today’s excursion will be a safety puppet show presentation in the 4th floor auditorium  See you up there!” DING.DONG.DING.

As Kitty and Santa walked up the stairs with their classrooms they vented about the relief of not having to sing on the bus ride that morning. A fun puppet show sounded so much better. They sat down with their classes in front of 1 woman who had a few bags by her feet. Hm, no elaborate Korean costumes or set, this is a first thought Santa. The woman began to speak in Korean and all the kids chanted back to her. She pulled out 2 dolls, 1 boy and 1 girl and continued to talk. Finding it pretty boring Santa and Kitty started to drift off into their own worlds but were gravitated back to the show when they noticed the speaker singing while undressing the dolls. Then they noticed the dolls had detailing they had never seen on a doll before. The speaker started to point to body parts. Kitty and Santa scanned the room and noticed their 7 year old (really only 5 year old) classes had their heads cocked to the side and jaws dropped. Kitty looked at Santa and whispered “Is this a safe sex talk?” Santa looked like a deer caught in the headlights and was non-responsive. The children started to chant something in Korean as the speaker pulled out a picture. Kitty and Santa’s eyes grew bigger. What in the world?

The kids chanted and screamed….was this some kind of weird game? OH, Gosh yes. Yes, it was. The louder they screamed the faster the sperm traveled to its final destination. The kids went wild when it finally reached the egg. The students had their game faces on and the teachers were all giggling like 5 year olds. “Ok, well I’m happy thats over” Kitty said. It wasn’t though, not even close to it. The speaker then brought out another doll, this time the doll was pregnant and wearing a moo moo. The speaker proceeded to put her hand up the moo moo and with the help of the cheering children pulled a baby, out of the baby doll. This wasn’t the cute kind of baby doll you would give to your 5 year old on Christmas morning. No no, this baby doll was very premature and fully equipped with an attached umbilical cord. The kids reacted appropriately with an ewww.

Next activity! Who wants to be pregnant?! At first the kids didn’t know if this was a trick question, but after one hand shot up in the air they all decided they wanted to be with child. The speaker chose the lucky guy. The little boy approached the stage with caution. The speaker pulled a pregnant body suit out of the bag and showed him. Speaker: “Do you want to wear this” Child: “aahhhaaaaaaa (awkward laugh)” He was regretting his decision instantly and managed to escape before she dressed him in the flattering pink suit.

“Looks like we need a new volunteer!” of course Santa’s student, The Fonzi, jumped on the opportunity.

Kitty’s student didn’t seem to mind the suit but the speakers face is telling her other wise.

After the “safety” puppet show had come to an end Kitty and Santa looked at each other, “Wait, are we going to have to write an excursion report on this?” An excursion report usually entails writing about all the fun things the students got to do on their weekly trip, and this one wasn’t going without documentation.  As they sat in the front of the classroom asking the kids what they had learned the responses were well, hard to put into words.  Let’s just say there were a lot of visuals as the students scanned their english vocabulary for words that described what they had experienced that day.  Kitty and Santa usually help them make the sentences flow, but were drawing blanks themselves.  Nothing like getting the sex talk before shipping off to first grade at the public schools.  We would have gladly grabbed the mic on the bus that day if it meant sparring ourselves the brutality of the so called safety show. Until next week…

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